Don't Expect Others to See You the same as You Grow

Relationships can be a rocky road to navigate when you're on the healing path. You start redefining yourself, shedding, and going into places that change you - sometimes the people around you aren't ok with that.

Your friends or partners may not be ready to grow with you - it's easier for them to to keep their ideas and images of who you are. Seeing you growing might make them uncomfortable - it doesn't mean you stop.

People aren't always seeing you, they see things in themselves mirrored through you. And when you're outgrowing old pain and patterns, investing more love and energy into your self, and healing the things that were keeping you stuck - it can be a really uncomfortable mirror for someone else who's not doing their own work.

This happened to me - part of the healing path has been shedding several close relationships including my ex-wife, my ex-best friend and several other people that I would have never imagined parting ways with.

On the other hand I have other relationships that have flourished and grown deeper and more multi-dimensional - like my relationships with my parents.

And the friendships I've made with people since I began my healing journey are especially precious, because we have a common connection, facing our shadows and showing up for ourselves.

Strong bonds can form in short time - like after a night in ceremony - which is just a vulnerable place. It's hard to be cool and aloof to someone that has sat next to you all night while you've purged years of trauma into a bucket.

Yes, I have changed.
I’ve removed toxic people from my life,
I’ve invested more time in my self-development,
I’ve been saying no to things that drain my time and my energy and I’ve been taking care of my mind and my body.
I’ve definitely changed, thank you.
-Steven Bartlett

I've always felt there was something special about being in a relationship with a partner who is also doing their own work (and it's one of the values in my current partnership).

It provides some unique opportunities for healing and growth, because a partnership isn't just about two individuals, there's also a third entity: the "we" the "us", being on the same team.

I try to remember that a relationship should be about "us vs a challenge", not "you vs me".

This isn't always easy.

Being on the healing path doesn't make you magically better - in fact the excavation of your shit is messy. You can't always just stop at the initial layer of feelings or beliefs, because often times there's an unmet need a layer deeper - something that wants to come out and heal.

My partner and I have held a lot of space for each other. This commitment to growth is something we've built our relationship on (even before we were dating). By remembering to see the divine in one another (even when we're being pummeled by their shadows), the relationship itself becomes a part of the work - becomes a ceremony.

A few months ago my partner Aya and I were talking about this dynamic, this aspect of being in a conscious relationship, and she had an idea to do a podcast with other couples who are in a similar partnership.

While the idea of starting a brand new podcast was a bit overwhelming (because I don't have enough projects lol) - I was happy to get to talk with Sinclair and John of Mystical Heart Collective about this very topic on The Vital Point Podcast. (see video below). 

As partners who are on the medicine path together as well as working together, it seemed like a natural place to start the conversation.

I appreciate that they were willing to be vulnerable and talk about what the rewards and the challenges of the experience is like for them.

As integration coaches they also shared some amazing wisdom as well about living a life connected to Source, and to Truth.
You can watch the episode here on Youtube, or get The Vital Point on all major audio podcast platforms like Apple and Spotify.

It would really mean a lot if you can support the podcast by leaving a review (if you listen) or subscribing and leaving a comment (on Youtube).

Sharing it with someone who's interested would also be amazing - my goal with the podcast is to provide practices and experiences that can change your life - so if you have someone that these conversations about meditation, breathwork and integration would help - please let them know.

P.S. With all the workshops recently I did take a pause on posting new podcasts, but in fact 7 out of 8 of the remaining episodes in the season are already recorded), which means there's a lot of amazing conversations coming.

I'm on target to be at around 54 episodes by year end and a review or subscribe really helps get the show in front of more people that can benefit.

I appreciate the support, without you I'm just talking into a screen so your comments and feedback mean the world.

With blessings,

Jonathan